so cry your eyes out

it wont make a difference, no matter what you say to me

there’s a missing spotlight, out in the twilight

and oh how its been calling me

how many times, must we sit and wait for the right moment to overtake?

me and you, you and i, we’re one in a million, kid.

so cry your heart out, and make sure its all night

cause every words been killing me.

And you keep finding yourself in the same place you’ve always been. The same fluorescent lights that guide you safely home at night. Waiting for the day when you’ll finally wake up, but both of us know that day is still a long way away from us. And when you finally come back down you’ll realize that I’ve never left your side.

Even though I’ve already written most of the music and all the lyrics, I still, constantly, write down whatever comes to me and this is one I like to call, California Redemption
California Redemption
I’ll keep my faith in hope and devotion
You know that’s always been my style.
Cause there’s nothin, not even the calm before the storm
That gets me worked up. Like you.

So I guess we’re off again,
Though it feels like we’ve been here before
I didn’t hear the laughter; I was overjoyed
And you stood there acting coy

And now the crowds a gather ’round
And you, you make no sound
And the lies in disguise, right before your eyes
Begin to form

I’m sittin on the edge of my seat now
I’m wondering if I’ll ever come down
I don’t think that I’ll ever, truly get those words
That you said as you walked out of my life.

//I’ll keep my faith in hope and devotion//
Just like, like you.

I’m sitting on the edge of my seat now
I’m wondering if I’ll ever come down
I don’t think that I’ll ever, truly get those words
That you said as you walked out of my life
/Yea, you walked out of my life/
Yea, you walked out on me ’cause you couldn’t be the one.

Are you kidding me? Are you serious? You gave up on yourself? Did you really? Did you think that NOBODY would miss you? Are you fucking joking me? You know your mother will probably cry herself to sleep for the rest of her life? Was there really not any other option?
Are you stupid? Are you sure? Did you really think this through? Had you really given it your best shot? Was there nothing else to do? Were you really that sad? Did you know you had a mouth? Had it occurred to you that there’s something really special and unique about you? Did you know I would have answered had you called?
I hope it hurt, I hope you know I have no sympathy for you, and I hope your suffering, even now, in the flames if Hell because you just had to do it. You can give up many things in your life. You can give up your first love, your favorite shirt( that’s way too small now), but you DO NOT give up on YOURSELF.
I don’t care how bad it hurts, I don’t care how fuckin ugly YOU THOUGHT you were. Push through and people will see the beauty inside of you.

Recalling the nights in the mornings are always the best. Taking 5 minutes to look back and reflect on our lives. We get caught up in life, and all its obstacles that it’s nice to take an hour to yourself and get lost in our thoughts and unwind.
Lost in a Holiday
Sitting here, with nothing to do.
Thinking, only of you.
I’m scared to death of what might happen
If I don’t stop laughing

I’m lost in a holiday
I’m living baby!
Lost in an alleyway
I’m scared!
Lost in a Holiday

Yesterday feels so far away
And I’m hurting,I’m talking to you
Let’s hear what they have to say
And I’ll tell you the truth

Lost in a Holiday
I’m living baby!
Lost in an alleyway
I’m scared!
Lost in a Holiday
Yes, I am.

So there you have it. Twelve songs that, I feel,complete an album that hasn’t even been recorded yet. I have no idea what I’ll name it, it will probably just end up being a self-titled album, hopefully it will be recorded before 2012. By then, I will have had solid year of MI under my belt, I just can’t wait. Playing shows;having fun. The way it’s supposed to be done.
Theres nothing I can say that can even begin to express or comprehend, there is nothing I can do but wait. Waiting is crucial. I must plan ahead, plan out the rest of my life. Figure out and prepare myself. I’m going to suffer. I know I am, you can’t make a name for yourself in this business without starving,without crawling your way. I get goosebumps thinking about it, knowing that one day twenty years from now I will have made it. Even if it’s only 15 minutes, that’s all I ask for. Fifteen minutes to play my heart and my soul out to a small crowd.
No doubt about it, I wanna start a fire and I want it to spread from coast to coast. I want people to get up on their feet, I want them to sing along, and I want them to feel alive. Even if for just a second. That’s all I ask.

Number 12, well this is with out a doubt the lowest I could ever go. This song is a complete summary of a friendship that I held close to my heart. I told him this was about him, I messaged him the entire first draft, he was sooo pissed and shocked that it was about him, but it was true we have been drifting apart the last years.
In a way, this song helped both of us come together and realize that we share a bond that’s stronger than friendship. We are brothers and everyone knows it, together we become the life of the party and I’m glad I wrote this because it showed both of us what can really happen if we kept drifting apart from each other.

12. Patrick-Star!
I never thought that it would have to come to this.
You said, “We’ll work together!
We’ll make this happen!
We won’t look back!”

But there you go again,
Hanging out with your “other” friends.
I understand, you wanna live,
Then why should I even bother!

‘Cause you can “make it” on your own
And in the end you will be all alone,
‘Cause every word you said I took to heart
And you played your part!
Just like I knew you would….

So, where do we go from here?
It’s either hit or miss.
Should we just turn around, walk ten steps,
And then pull the trigger?

And there you go again,
Blowing off your “best friend”
“I understand?!” “I can forgive?!”
Well, I guess I’ll find another.

‘Cause you can “make it” on your own
And in the end you will be all alone.
‘Cause every word you said I took to heart
And you played your part,
You played me very well.

True story, pat and I are still the bestest friends, this song can actually relate to my brother and his friend Kyle. They were inseperable, but now things aren’t the case, I hope both read this and realize how stupid and childish they’re being, especially Kyle. Learn from pat and I, it’s never worth losing your best friend over.

My fucking glasses are broken. Damnit, the most important thing in the world. The one thing that I NEED in my life. My vision, for a lack of better words, is fucked up. I didn’t plan on breaking them, I honestly I planned to pick them up from the floor. First mistake, you NEVER UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you leave your glasses on the floor for longer than 5 min or else you can kiss them goodbye.
I rested on the bed for 20 seconds to try to catch my breath and the minute I manage to balance myself out on my two feet I hear a loud CRUNCH. I knew it even before I looked down. I picked up the remains and put them in my pants. Oh well, life goes on. We left the house around 6 o’clock. Dennys was our destination and afterwards we headed towards Flannigans Rock. The view was amazing. As we walked down towards the exit fence I told Kyle that Saturday, that current day, will be a day to remember. When we got to his house I slept on his bed for a couple of hours. He didn’t mind, he was playing Xbox.
It began to take effect at Jesses house. The Animal theme party was without a doubt the best party in my life. I knew every single person at that party. Hieneken. As far as the eye can see, stuck in coolers that, when you pulled each individually out, made you feel like King Arthur. Each drink was equally as satifying as the next. Around 3:00 I realized that I couldn’t sleep, I walked around and after 2 hours of sitting around with Mark and Anthony, we decided to call it a night and they dropped me off at my apartment.
It was a beautiful Sunday morning. I walked down Country Club, I felt way to awake to walk into my apartment so I decided to sit on the Wood Ranch Parkways Golf Course and watch the sunrise. I lost myself, I couldn’t contain my excitement as flocks of crows passed by. They came in 3 waves, aftwards I walked back to find Betty and George. We hung out until Trevor came, afterwards Zane came and soon everyones Sunday morning got a little better.
It was Betty birthday, there was cake and I was lost in so much bliss that I didn’t give a fuck. Everything was perfect. My life, the 19 years I have existed, is truly amazing. We all hung out that afternoon and after they all left I ran for half an hour. It’s great to be back in shape. Wrestling season is a couple months away, but it’s best to get used to pain already. It’s going to be fucking awesome.
But today, today was a very special day. Today, I went to a Dodger Game. The View from our sets was breath taking. Right Field couldn’t have looked any more magnificent. I was treated to all the Dodger Dogs and Nachos I could eat. We lost, but I didn’t care. The entire game from start to finish was entertaining and I cheered when we finally managed to score a damn point.
When I got back into Simi I went over Melissas house. She was having a kickback and I decided to hang out for a long time and it was well worth it. John, Zach, and Melissa, along with everyone else who was there tonight, were a great clusteruck if mixed emotions and so muh passion that when it came time to go home I felt that I had only been there for an hour.
I walked down to Albertsons and picked up my supplies: 1. Twinkies 2. That’s it.
And now here I am. Exactly 2 years ago I got my license. Since then I accomplished my goal, help and slowly establish my presence as a coach in the wrestling room and I have constructed the most horrible idea I have ever thought of…

11. What About Zombies?
Oh, the things we’ll never know!
The places we could’ve loved
And the places we could’ve seen

You say, “…maybe?”, that drives us crazy,
But you always have a way with words
/Please promise me/,just promise me!
You’ll call before you leave

Oh it shouldn’t be this way!
I wanted you to stay!
But you never even cared.

I want this to work out,
I want you to not shout
Obscenities, cursing my name, wishing you could be me.

Oh the things we’ll never know!
The places you could’ve loved,
And the places you could’ve seen!

You say, “Maybe”, that drives us crazy,
But you always have a way with words

/Please promise me/ just promise me,
You’ll call before you leave.

If you read the title, then you were probably wondering why I would even call a song like that. Well, it’s pretty simple. Two of my faborite bands, The Ramones and The Misfits, both have songs about scary movies or things of that nature. The Ramones have the classic song “Chainsaw”, which is based on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Misfits had many songs ranging from “Halloween”,”Astro Zombies”, and “Return of the Fly”. All theses songs are amazing and I couldn’t get them off my mind.
I had written this song long before, I came up with the name for it. Originally, it was called ” Away With Words” but yesterday I read the Zombie Survival Guide,( AMAZING!)and when I went to post this song up I noticed that the first verse and chorus kinda had to do with “never seeing each other” and the chorus had “panic” and “urgency” so I kept reading on and the second verse is mainly about “seperation” and “alienation”. All these somehow have something in common with the Zombie Epedemic, for some reason I think that there’s a chance it might happen. So I figured write a bridge “I want this to work out…” about when the inevitable happened and your friend was bitten. Read it twice, and wikipedia “Zombie Apacolypse” and it’ll make sense(:

10. It’s Complicated
Counting down the days til I grow old.
Inside my youth is begging to be let out,
Forced to have been kept hidden away for so long.
And I no longer see the point in keeping secrets from you
When everything I say to you
Seems to just get lost along the way

Have you ever thought? Or have you just forgot?
What this means to me?

Now you see me walking down the streets,
The streets we used to love
Oh she’s gone and she ain’t coming back.
How was I to know, that just one kiss
Would change everything?

So let’s open up, let’s talk about it.
Say the words and laugh about it.
We always knew that this would happen,
We carry on and still it happens,
And still I see no point in keeping secrets from you
‘Cause every word I say to you
Just seems to get lost along the way.